How long more?

Still miss you a lot.

Back to before.

Felt very pretty today on the outside, but major gaping hole on the inside.

Seriously, you mean so much to me? Why is it that I miss you like CRAZY even though we're barely a day into this mess.

Whenever certain songs start playing on my iPod, I think of you and your reaction. I think ofthe things you'd say and the circumstances surrounding those things. When I read a text I think about what I'll tell you when I relay that bit of information over. When I eat too much, I think about the failed diet plan we tried to draw up.

It's ridiculous.

It's like I have no life without you in it.

You're probably the only person who knows everything, and I really mean everything, about me and my life. I can't think of a single other person who knows me as well as you do.

It makes it even sadder then that despite you knowing so much about me you still don't make the effort to do the things that you know would make me happy.

I am a true believer of the 'do unto others what you want them do unto you' line.

I have MADE myself interested In the things you're interested, I have taken times to read up on the things you talk about, I have even goddamn RESEARCHED on your astrophysics and alien theory and astrology stuff so that I'd be able to share things with you that might interest you. I have taken a lot of steps to make sure that you don't feel insecure and left out by the fact that your interests are so divergent from other people's. Does your friend K do it for you? How about Niv and all those people? They take this much interest in your life? No right. But obviously interest is something you don't appreciate because you've been taking it for granted.

No, there's no need for you to be appreciative of everything I say or do but so long as you RECIPROCATE or SAY that you know it's going on there's an incentive for me to keep going. It doesn't have to be more than 1% of the time but you never have shown or said it. And 6 years is a long time to wait.

I doubt that you'll ever miss me as much as I'll miss you. I can live with that, I really can. I've worked hard to keep this going and with some prompts you have too. So what's the problem now ? It looks to me like you're just too tired and lazy and so you're going with the easy way out.

Says a lot about you.

Even then, I miss you.

Stupid movies nowadays.

Find it weird when uncles call other uncles 'uncle'. Like, seriously uncle, both of you are uncles but not to each other!

Doralyn's birthday dinner tonight.

Still feeling rather numb over last night's episode.

Just want to crawl into a hole somewhere.

Why...

...Do I consistently keep screwing up. I am so so so tired of this. I wish that this job could be easier but it's so not.

Sweet tooth addiction.

I really can't tell if I enjoy this lifestyle or not.

I wouldn't consider it an accurate representation of working life but it does give one a glimpse into the initial year or years of work.

Obviously they won't be rosy but prospectives have to look good to weather out those years.

ANYWAY, today was an alright day. Traipsed around in the hot sun in the morning looking at the lights and taking photos and interviewing pedestrians. Was very draining walking around in the sun.

Headed back and went out for a very dissatisfactory meal. Didn't enjoy the company that much because I think CY is rather self centred and attention seeking. He really thinks he's 'all that'. It is admirable, what he's achieved but still there's no reason to have an inflated head and to be pretentious. Nice dude but I'm more than 20 minutes around him is all I can stand.

DL is irritating me too. There's no reason to behave like you have no backbone. Sure, you're in a new country and have no one to ask but that's no reason to wait for me to just give you the answers for free! I worked hard to get those people and while I do have backups just in case you don't meet your quota doesn't mean you should rely on that.

So many frustrating people. Same with that AP. But her case is completely different. She's really bossy and is a byline stealer. No one can stand her, except of course, ____. Duh you'd like it here if you were someone's favourite.

Starting to get to know RT better though I think her love/infatuation for her boyfriend is a little much. Buying him a $498 ukelele is really insane thinking. No matter how much he likes it, she is still a student. $500 is one month's allowance man.

This morning we had an intern meeting and as usual she had wonderful ideas to present. I really don't know how she does it :( Good for her, though.

By the way, THANK YOU FRIENDS WHO ANSWERED MY QUESTIONS OVER THE PHONE!!! I really appreciate your help :)

I called so many people and couldn't really talk to them because there was so much to do. It was lovely hearing friends' voices though. I really miss Jodie!! All our talks are always so brutally honest. Miss Witchy, V, Xy, K, Id, omg so many people.

There's just no time to meet and have fun anymore.

---

A Level results out next Friday. Trepidation mixed with excitement. I'm not used to experiencing emotions when faced with examination results. Usually my 'reaction' is indifference bordering on apathy. This is really new to me. I know what I'm going to get though; I can just SEE it. It's going to be BBB AA and I will have to come home and face the usual sarcasm and taunting etc from my mother. I would really be happy with an AAB AA but that looks FAR from what I'm going to get.

HAHA I almost forgot about H3! Seriously though, I don't really care what grade I get for that so long as I pass.

--

Seeing other people get their offers is starting to make me feel a liiiiiittle jealous inside. Sometimes I wish I hadn't been that naive?/idealistic/stupid in making the choices I made. Rejection isn't a bad thing but I should have maximised my options and choices while I had the chance.

I am happy for them and honestly my jealousy is unfounded because I brought this upon myself but still...

--

I find that I am unable to control my eating nowadays. I am consuming insane amounts of ice cream and chocolate DAILY and this is really starting to have a horrible effect on my skin and teeth and EVERYTHING. It's really getting very very bad.

I think I need help :(

I AM AWESOME.

Had a really lovely day.

Morning was nice and slow. Sorted out work at a good, calm pace. Sent out a few emails, made a few calls, was keeping myself busy and occupied.

Then went for lunch with Diane and Linette. Linette is really nice to hang out with. She's really friendly and open and I like that she listens to everything you have to say even if it's not to her interest or liking. Had a long, leisurely lunch too.

Came back to the office, talked to a few more people, made a few more calls. Kinda just waiiiiiiited for the clock to hit 5 so that I could leave and meet the girls for dinner!

The clock struck 5 and... I couldn't leave.

My supervisor was taking a bunch of Uni kids around the office and he spent a loooooong time hanging around my table, making me say hello and explain what I was doing and publicising to the world my intentions -_-

Lis then called and started harassing me over the phone so I just upped and left at 515 exactly.

(We were supposed to meet at 530 at Skinny Pizza at Raffles City for dinner. Why the ridiculously early timing? I have this Starhub mobile student plan offer that lets one have the second pizza off at 50%. But it's only valid before 6.)

And it was POURING outside. Like thundering rain.

My flats are cheapo ones from Chinatown, they really can't handle such stress. So I was kinda dragging my feet (and sloshing in the water, yes) all the way to the station. By then Lisa had called me about 462 times. I then decided it was time I find a way to occupy her and to divert her energy away from me towards someone else. So I asked her to ask Skinny Pizza whether the deal was on...SHOCK. They told us we were supposed to show some message from Starhub but I didn't have anything!! It was time to get friendly with Starhub Customer Service. After 15 minutes of shouting loudly over the noise of the train and many people staring at me, I confirmed that the deal was still on. Thought I could relax a little BUT NO. Lisa called again and told me to run for my life.

By then it was 546 and I ran. I really really ran. With my soggy flats slipping off my feet, my EZ link card that refused to beep and horrible skin that makes me weep I ran.

And I made it there at 552. Ran to the counter and demanded that we get our offer and order before 6.

The manager was not pleased.

HEHEH.

And THEN we ate 2 pizzas, two Brie cheese servings and a serving of truffle fries and paid only $17!

Yeah, I'm awesome, I'm awesome, I'm really, really awesome~

Dinner.

Not one of the best days on this job.

It is tiring to have to count down days.

Markers are all well and good but waiting for them can be so painful.

Even then, can't wait to see D, L and R tomorrow! (okay today, in the evening)

Eh?

s: No no go on.

I want you to tell me more about what you read.

I know you like it.

But I don't understand the whole concept

Nor the terms.

L: This is probably why I like you. I just realised it

s: Eh?

L: you take interest in people. In what they like or don't. It isn't just all play and fun with you. You take time to know a person. I don't think I'll ever be as good at that.

Not yet. Maybe not ever.

What do you say to someone who knows you so well, whom you know so well but don't share a special relationship with anymore?

I feel happy and sad, thrilled and scared, nervous and bloody excited at the same time.

Our relationship still is special - how many others have been through this?

Too many things.

Feel really sad that I'm not posting so often but I'm busyyyy :(

Today was lovely with L. Can't believe we have a never ending stream of things to talk about.

- D + birthday
- J generally.
- PC!??!?
- R - ST
-  Idr
- Dance/music
- Sinking Europe
- D at the office
- other interns
- Buggy RT and Xiu Y omgggg
- Taxi issue
- News issue
- Training pals.

You and your myopic ways.

Just shut up okay. I never for a second considered the UK as a real option so I applied for whatever I wanted to. If I got in and got a scholarship to go then yay me I get paid to study something I really really want to.

I don't have a clue what people do in Political Science and neither do you. In fact NO ONE knows anything about any subject til they do it themselves. So I picked the one which I liked best OF THE SUBJECTS I ALREADY KNOW.

You can't deal with that then fine. But don't tell me that a BA in English won't get me anywhere because it looks to me like your Engineering degree got you nowhere either.

Love you very much!

Had an awesome dinner with Lis :)

Despite my hectic life and my constant whining you still love me and make time for me.

And I couldn't love you more.

I want to marry a dentist.

My soles and legs feel tingly and weird for some reason. I don't think it's because of dance today. I didn't dance a lot.

Fatigue has hit me :( During dance I felt dizzy and like vomiting plus I felt like if I were to close my eyes even for a second, I'd fall asleep. It's a horrible feeling. To add to my misery, for the korvai number 4, I was the only one who managed to finish the entire panchanadai theermanam. WTF. What sort of class is this!!!!!!! In my normal class I'm by far, the worst. Stopping is not an option and I don't know we just didn't. This class makes me all slack. It's really a combination of the students' self confidence, camaraderie and the teacher's expectations. I kinda miss my class despite/for?? all its pressures...

Back to work tomorrow after the looooooooong CNY break. I really love Chinese New Year. The lion dances, dragon dances, prayers, festive stuff really gets me excited. It's odd but sometimes I look upon Chinese who turn their backs on their culture in revulsion. They have such a rich, vibrant, interesting culture and they don't care about it. I'm not saying one should be totally immersed in it all the time, I'm not in my culture either but denying all links to it is stupidity at its best. You're basically denying who you are. How dumb.

Turned down Suja akka's offer for Rajasthani performance. I'd love to perform again but the practice timings will kill me I think. After work from 8 til 10 for the next three days is just not feasible. Plus I don't know if I can take that much time off work on Thursday morning :/

This week looks like a very social week. Hopefully no plans/meetings/random assignments turn up.

Thursday - Lisa

Friday - Xy, V, Jane for Black Swan!!
Saturday - Timothy and Lisa (haven't asked yet)

Sunday - C?

Yeah looks very busy.

Did my accounts today. My mother owes me some $300 odd dollars and my father $50. I actually got paid for my first two week stint! Seriously not bad. Which reminds me, must check on the status of this payroll plus reimbursement plus CPF. Also, must bargain with Pa on pocket money.

On a side note: driving is so bloody expensive!! It's really a money making racket. One has no choice but to get final certification from a school and it makes things so much more complicated and EXPENSIVE. I've got my second driving class this coming Sunday. I've to top up $150 more dollars already ugh.

And on the topic of expensive transportation, for being the best country in terms of affordability, I really am having trouble planning bus routes and train routes now to maximise use of the distance fare thing. It's definitely more fair (can see that now with adult fare) but it's a pain in a way. Plus I really can feel the burn of money :( Working life is not fun.

Or maybe it's just the wrong job and at the wrong time.

In any case, it's an excellent jolt to making me yearn for school again hohoho. I'm going to become a teacher for sure -_-

It's tiring, really, to have so many contingency plans. It would be so much easier if I could just confirm that I will be able to get my very first option. Things would be so much less complicated then. Add to this mess the confusion of not even KNOWING what I want. I don't even know which general line man, forget the subject :(

Many applications to fill and each a bigger headache than the last.

Sigh got a rejection from UCL the other day. Really hurt a lot. Thought I'd be able to take it but it's more than just a small niggling pain. It's a huge heartache. Every time I see the subject heading of the email when I check my mail I let out a little sigh and against my will, sometimes even shed a tear. How pathetic. I don't know man. What am I doing this for if the best college I applied to doesn't want me? Waiting for Warwick to reply. If they say no then I can say bye bye to this dream/option.

Still, it's a good learning experience. This is my first major rejection EVER. (I know, stuck up pig) and I hope it'll be one of the few I get. You aren't that great missy!!

Not really looking forward to work tomorrow. Haven't thought of anything interesting yet ugh dreading meeting my boss.

Must remember to reply to Chithi and the Periammas' emails. Hehehe I have such cute aunts.

Really want to watch The King's Speech!!

Haven't seen L in agessssssssssssssssssss. And Aksh and V. Sad :(

Was very angry with Pa the other night for making us go for the Esplanade performance but I think that is a story for another day. Only highlight: eating at Max Brenner's!!! Very very very expensive and ridiculously overpriced but hehehe the waffles and crepe were yummy.

Do I have a cavity?

So smart right!

I am Hungary.

Maybe you should Czech the fridge.

I'm Russian to the kitchen.

Maybe you'll find some Turkey.

We have some but it's covered in Greece.

Ew, there is Norway you can eat that.

I'll settle for a can of Chile.

I want a Canada Chile too!

Denmark your name on the can!

Can you help me do it? Iran to the store, so I'm tired."

Hair is grimy. Poor Egypt.

Been meaning to post for the longest of times but OBVIOUSLY haven't got around to it.

I realise that when I have a lot of things going on in my life I seem unable to record them down. But when I'm free I obsessively update. What is wrong with me!!!

Okay things that have happened so far that I will blog about one day - I will backdate the posts.

1. Application
2. Admission
3. Reunion!! <3
4. Cousins
5. Aunts
6. Uncles
7. Patti!!!
8. BALI
9. Singapore after Bali
10. Singapore before Bali
11. L
12. A and V
13. New Year's
14. Test
15. Internship part 1
16. Internship part 2
17. Tesessss that turned out to be SCHOOL once again
18. Ty
19. Hatred
20. Confusion
21. LOVE
22. LLLLLLLLLLLLLL
23. C and the things that have changed
24. Egypt
25. The horribly cold/weird weather
26. Driving
27. The mad bus driver

That's about it so far?

--

Finally seem to be getting better from the horrible flu that I caught from S and Ma. I thought I could escape it but noooooooo :( No such luck. It's the worst kind of flu EVER. I get sick only once a year but never have I been sick for more than two-three days. This one has lasted a whole week and is very disgusting.

I have been getting lots of love though which has made this entire horrendous affair a little more tolerable. Thank you...

- Chubz
- N
- Ju
- R
- C
- V
- V
- Miss P
- People at work
- Ant
- Xy

For making me feel better :)

Took a day off and have been sleeping crazily. Lucky we have this CNY break. I really want to eat mango pudding and cream!!! And pineapple tarts!!! AND ORANGES!!!