But this is so painfullllllllll!!

I have so much to tell L!!! But patience is a virtue. And thankfully the gap will let me think about/analyse the issues properly without merely giving her my biased and insubstantial account of certain events.

Multimedia message

It's only 3 and I'm exhausted already. Came home very late last night after the performance. S acted brilliantly. I am so proud of her :) Met a fair few people there - some lovely and not so lovely re-acquaintences but overall an enjoyable night. What puzzled us a lot were the numerous comments on how S and I look so alike. We totally do not!!! I look like Pa and S looks like Ma. Does that mean Ma and Pa look alike -.-

Came home super late and then there was a lot of last minute packing and music downloading so everybody went to bed really late. Woke up early to drop S off at the airport. I'm praying that the slight blurness she exhibited in the morning does not persist through the course of this excursion. I hope she has a good, safe flight and trip away from evil, jealous eyes.

On the way back from a tiring dance class under D's lovely supervision. I feel so much more relaxed when taught by her. Took the train home with S and both of us only had food on our minds SIGH. Am so hungry

More tea.

YAY PASSED MY EVALUATION. My test has been fixed for the 22nd. Have to get some more practices in before that but I am just SO SICK of driving. I want to fly instead.

The driving test fee is damn expensive too. 185$ just to book the damn thing SO ANNOYING. I was just telling J that we had better go on holiday/live someplace where this skill will come in handy. Here there is very little purpose or use.

I shall go back to reading now.

Uncontrolled.

Just cannot seem to reel in this intense want. When will my hunger be abated?

Rather enjoyable.

Was dreading driving this week because last week was horrendous. Morning had a rather fun dude (m) who told me to do whatever heh. I don't get why all the people in my group have such strange facial hair arrangements.

Anyway, when I printed the slip for the second class and saw the dreaded number, the feeling of ease drained away in seconds. To add to the trepidation I was feeling, it was raining and I was so sleepy I couldn't look up without blinking/yawning/falling over. Walked over slowly to Zeek and for some inexplicable and fantastic reason he was in SUCH a good mood! He actually PRAISED ME and MADE A JOKE and LAUGHED omg I almost died of shock. Driving this week is a lot better. Hope it continues so I can pass the evaluation tomorrow and book my test.

/edit/

Omg driving school is a breeding ground for weird things. Lately, strange things have been happening I'm here (okay maybe I'm just here way too much) Now I see a transvestite behaving very intimately with a girl. Why is she/he like that then?!

Glitters less than gold.

Non-actor guy number 2 L and I both agree on being attractive. Lucky I'm way over him because L's heady breathlessness, giddy joy and excessive gushing is starting to get me a little worried...

Seeking re-dress?

What is not yours, shall never be.

Gah why does research look so tedious!

Was a very long day filled with talks and stuff for both L and myself. Felt incredibly tired and sleepy throughout. Am starting to feel a little more excited about school again. The prospect of studying and using my brain again is thrilling though some OTHER personal aspects are not exciting me too much. I do need a few new things for school still. A bag, some shoes etc.

Had driving simulation in the morning which was just a bloody waste of time. I felt super nauseous and that merely intensified my dislike for the school which is consistently ripping my off my money.

I cancelled tomorrow's lesson. Thursday and Friday are going to be two full days of driving the test routes and finishing up the last stage. I can't believe that it was barely two weeks ago that I first got into a car!

Wish I could see L sometime before school starts for her but looks like no luck :(

Do not want to feel this way.

A tear escaped my eye as I told her. I finally regret my decisions.

I do not want to enjoy and appreciate experiences in retrospect. I want to enjoy them as they come.

Disdain.

I don't think that we can go any deeper than this.

Law camp was bloody brilliant!

I have never enjoyed myself this much at any camp. It was mature while still being enthusiastic and fun. I think everyone had a great time. We only got dirty (and it was CLEAN-dirty not dirty-dirty on one day) and there were lovely showers and the times between events was well-spaced and there was lots of time to do our own things and there were firm guidelines but no strict rules which made everybody feel very comfortable. Overall, excellent in organisation and brilliant in execution.

My OG (Pocahontas) was fantastic. We had a good mix of people and two fantastic facis. Hehe I feel so lucky to have L in my group and Arthi as my faci. Both my facis were just amazing. I enjoyed myself a lot.

Some worrying.

The H2H we had on Saturday night was really fun as well. All kinds of weird things came out and we just had a good time 'bonding'. I have really taken to some people in my OG - we share surprisingly similar beliefs but of course there were some I just couldn't seem to click with but oh well. Some pretty crazy things happened on Saturday night as well. Apparently someone saw a ghost and then there was some puking etc.

Came home really exhausted to an empty house (Ma had gone out with friends?!?! This gives me the heeby-jeebies) and just crashed. L told me that Vikram had come to Singapore to promote a film and apparently he looks younger in real life than on screen!! Weird or what. And some loser guy asked him to act as Remo omggggggg........................................................

Law camp tomorrow.

Had a great time with Alex and Ari. They couldn't get into the casino so we just walked around Marina Bay area and then went to the Esplanade to eat insane amounts of chocolate. She's nice and we had a good time.

Ari's just gone to bed. Alex is up talking to us and I am now packing for camp tomorrow. Gah so many things to pack and iron and I am so lazyyyyyyyyyyyyy. I hate packing and unpacking for/from camps. So troublesomeeeeee. The thrill of camp has suddenly diminished but I think it'll be revived once I get there.

BACK TO IRONING.

A permeating sense of unease.

Having rather a lot of misgivings about

I'm going mad.

Driving has made me crazy. While I'm walking on the pavement and overtaking people I slow down and turn my head to look at my blindspots. I feel uncomfortable without having a rearview mirror to check. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME.

Luckily to make me feel better, A anna's present just arrived in the mail from the UK. It's exactly what I wanted! Can't wait to play on it :) But can't open it today or I'll have to share it with Alex. (he and his girlfriend have stopped over and are staying the night)

Waiting for driving to start now. Have to go home and pack for Law camp which I'm not really looking forward to anymore :(

Things I dread:

1. Cars 108 and 174
2. Switching lanes in high speed traffic
3. Weekends

My gold ring is actually silver.

Morning lesson I didn't like the car, the second lesson I didn't like the instructor, last lesson I didn't like the sun. But it was a fairly productive day. I managed to get a fair few things out of the way. Hopefully tomorrow's progress will also be good. I really miss my first ever instructor!!! Whyyyyyy don't I get assigned to himmm.

Otherwise yesterday and today have just been days from hell. S has really been getting it and the deepest natures of are starting to show on a more regular basis. I just wish the decision had been made with a lot more conviction all those years ago.

I also wish that I had just gone against my gut feeling and taken it up. Right now there just isn't enough going around. It would have been easier if I had just known the truth right from the start instead of the uncomfortable reassurances. A piece of paper is just not the same thing.

--

Thinking about it a lot and I am starting to get a little worried about myself. Why can't I seem to draw myself away from it? It's not..........right. I want to talk about it to e but how can I? has moved past the stage I am at.

I am so glad I see L (almost) every day now :) :) :)

I need to sleep.

I just want this to end.

Why do I live among imbeciles.

I don't want to brush shoulders with this crowd anymore. I want OUT of this life and the stupid attitude accompanying it.

Curiouser and curiouser.

L says that it could be some strange cult meeting. Omg now they're howling.

Seriously what is going on???

Omg there is now strange chanting, shouting and beating of some tribal drum going on.

Rainy days.

Strange wailing noises emitting from neighbours upstairs. Sounded like prayers initially but now it sounds like opera and some strange love ritual. Oh well.

Driving was good. I'm glad to always have chatty instructors. Guy in the morning had interesting stories about finding dead bodies and catching robbers, second guy had interesting stories about gangs, stitches and motorbikes.

Stupid bus came super slowly so I couldn't go swimming or go to the gym >:( I can't seem to control my eating either. This is pissing me off.

Pays off.

My routine now is to go for class, then check for empty slots, then sleep, eat something, watch something on my iPod, talk to random people I know who have turned up for classes too. So far it's been going well, heh. I'm really exhausted after every class though so I'm out like a light within seconds. It's paid off rather nicely because I feel more comfortable driving with each lesson. And I don't need to actively remind myself of a number of things. My body seems to know what it's doing. I hope that soon I'll become ~one with the car~

Saw L today. She is ridiculously skinny. I feel like a whale next to her. This is not good. She had her stage 3 review today YAY so tomorrow is stage 4. I'm doing my stage 1 review tomorrow - nailbiting nervousness -

By the way, what is UP with the number of murders in Singapore :/ Are we starting to feel the impact of a casino in our midst?

It would be nice,

if I didn't have to be strong, bold, brave and self-reliant all the time. My face/expression invites none of that which others seem to get almost freely. Is it wrong to want to be the stereotype sometimes? Ironic to want something you've/you worked/work so hard to overcome.

Saw so many people today.

Got a prank call from a bunch of bored army boys -.- Wonder how they got my number. And seriously, people, if you want to prank someone DO NOT SNIGGER IN THE BACKGROUND!!!

Driving today was okay. First lesson got Sufi again. So it was a fun lesson with singing and everything heh. Second lesson was really good too. Went at 60, felt I was speeding. My steering is still rather inconsistent and my braking still a little jerky but I will improve. Tomorrow three lessons so better get to bed soon.

Narcissism.

So maybe she hasn't yet grown out of that infantile development stage.

All we are left with...

Is the fading dream of a marsupial victory.

Strange to the rest.

United in their weirdness, they take on the world.

Together.

Brainwork.

This is pretty cool! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kzFBkkyldLY

Driving this morning was okay. Not as fun as yesterday - did sharp turns, some minor lane switching and braking. Mostly just driving round and round and round the circuit. Regularly went at 30 km/h and felt like I was speeding :/ My braking tends to be a little jerky too ARGH.

Met Clara and Hui Ting there. Came back and realised I was starrrrrvvvvvinggg. Tomorrow better take something to eat between my classes. L says I won't be able to make it through Thursday but I am sure I can!!

STUPID STUPID STUPID.

Irritated with myself because I just blew 30$ and 3 hours because I am too stupid to read things properly.

My last day here...

Omg I am so emotional about it :( I feel like crying. ACK I AM CRYING :'( :'( :'( I actually don't want to leave everyone :(

Hehe LC just said that later she's going to ask me to make some tea just because it's my last day here.