You know what I see?

I see a proud hypocrite - a person who labels others so severely that when you become the very person you despise, you pretend it's okay just to avoid accepting your flaws.

I see a headstrong, self-important person - someone who thinks that _ influence is the sole reason or major causal factor for other people's success.

I see a failure - a person who was once a role model but now has degenerated to nothing more than a comparison against which less competent and able people seem resplendent.

It is unfortunate that despite all these failings, I remain in awe and still seek your help and advice in all my endeavours. No matter how much misery and pain you cause me and how much I loathe and despise your wholly detestable attitude, I just can't turn away. I need your acceptance, crave your approval in all that I do even if it makes me unhappy.

I have no choice.