I want to wipe that smirk off your face.

Wish I could brush off yesterday's fear as nothing more than headless worry or panic but my performance today didn't give any leeway for that.

I'm pissed at the fact that I didn't give my best. It's the first time I've ever felt like this and boy does it SUCK. Even if it was a horrible paper (like Econs) I have never come out of the hall feeling like crap because whatever I wrote I wrote to the best of my knowledge. I've written everything I know and nothing more. But this time...

Call it Fate, Providence, Destiny or the intricate scheme of the Leader of the Immortals but I knew that today's paper was going to be a flop and I wasn't proven wrong.

It wasn't the questions as much as it was my inability to answer cogently and confidently. My brain refused to click and most of the time I felt disconnected and disjointed from the words that my hands formed. During a point in the paper, I remember staring at my paper and going "what the hell is that? I didn't write that" but there were the words on paper - bold blue strokes proclaiming my genius (or lack of it).


It was a bad day right from the start. I woke up late, my head was pounding, I had small eyes and oily hair, I almost forgot to pack my entry proof, didn't bring my pencil box, forgot to light the lamp. Maybe it's retribution for neglecting the promises I made and deals I cut with God or maybe it's my comeuppance due to my overconfidence.

I did badly for this paper and I'm not proud of myself. If only I had been mentally PRESENT and psychologically invested in the paper...

And I know this was the case because I wasn't hungry after the paper. If you really thought during the paper there is heavy bloodflow to the brain and all the food in the blood stream is used up which is why you feel hungry afterwards.

To add insult to injury, I have my mother hurling sarcastic comments like missiles, hitting me right where it hurts. I don't understand why she doesn't realise that my pain in having to admit that it was a horrendous day is misery enough. I don't need her comments or criticism to make me feel worse. I feel as bad as it is.

What riled me up further was the incapability of certain people to understand that the world DOES NOT revolve around them. I don't expect pity or sympathy but I DO expect you to listen without including sorry bits about your own life. It is not an equal relationship. I rather you not call tonight because I can't deal with being civil. You're starting to rub me the wrong way more often than not.

You know how the mere sight of a person you dislike can ruin your day? Yeah you're such a putrid character that your name, your words, your face, your supercilious nature, your height, your dress sense, your hair, that idiotic self-satisfied I-beat-you-at-last smirk, from your toenails to your inane comments EVERYTHING irritates the hell out of me. I've gone from being nice, to civil, to words laced with derision and sarcasm but you don't pick up on anything. Now your lack of EQ is irritating me as well. Don't you dare overstep the line. We. Are. Not. Friends.

N was very helpful today though and I really appreciate that :)