This is for you.

Dear HS,

Hi, I know I've made a lot of value judgments of you this year and I do apologise because they were unwarranted and really b*tchy. I've thought that you're a bimbo, slightly shallow, goal-less and an airhead and that's the impression many people have of you. But I don't think like that anymore because what I just read really really changed my view.

There's so much more to you than I ever thought there could be. I've talked to EP so many times about you and while she finds your manner recently irritating and annoying, it didn't disturb me so much and really maybe it's because I knew that you had so much more substance than what you seem to be. Maybe you've changed and that was the old you but whatever the case that person must still be somewhere inside because that's who you are in essence.

TG has told me that she just can't click with you, that your friends are just not the type of people she can hang around. Even after being ___ you guys just didn't hang out all that much and understandably so but maybe she didn't see this side of you?

I know I sound like I'm in love with you, but that's not the case HEH. Seriously, I'm kind of taken aback by this new revelation I had. I bet you'd never in a million years think that I'd ever address a post to you because we're not that close now I guess.

When we first met, I thought you were quite cool and nice to hang out with. You were interesting. Things are different now but I still think you're a great friend and I just never feel awkward around you.

So thanks for that (:

I don't know, when I talk to EP and when she tells me things about her past I can understand and accept that because her manner shows that yes she was that person before, and that's why she behaves the way she behaves now. When I talk to you though I'm always surprised because sometimes your external appearance and the things that go on inside your head just don't click!

I don't mean to make you out to be a bimbo but you're pretty, slim, friendly, loving, caring, generous AND smart. How much more perfect can a person be!

I think he's really lucky to have you and I'm glad you're happy with him. I think I'm really lucky to have you as a friend as well. I don't ever want to lose you!

Thanks for being there and thank you for listening whenever I have problems. There's more to a friend than just being there and you fulfill all those criteria and more.

Love,
Me.

--

Yesterday's performance was okay. The other two boys screwed up sigh. I'm so proud of my sister! She's so beautiful and intelligent and plays so well and dances like a dream (:

I'm glad I got to see V after so long. I really miss you! Oh I saw V also heh you're so cute we must hang out after your exams alright. C was there too her hair was funny HEHZ but sari was quite nice. Have you grown shorter, C?

Today was alright. Got threading done so I look a little funny heh. Don't laugh at me tomorrow! They cancelled my performance on Saturday damnit. I'm kind of upset because my sister and I practiced in the morning with her accompanying me and it sounded really good.

Anyway, still singing on Friday and I think I'm wearing a sari! Got some nice blouses today! Have to go for practice on Wednesday and I'm glad my throat is better so I can sing!

I realised I quite like singing even though I'm not fantastic at it. My insecurities are all centered around dance because it scrutinizes every single aspect - physical, emotional and I just don't think I have that great a body or am that flexible or can express myself very well. My mindset greatly hinders me. I'm not so conscious or worried about singing alone and I am willing to spend time to practice for an exam for that but not for dance.

Sigh ambivalence again.

I'm feeling sort of mellow today. Having Girlboy message me was really comforting because I'm still a little down from yesterday. Thank you, love. I was so happy when you asked if you could come! And to have V keep up our email conversation is really nice too! I feel content and happy and ah this is lovely.

Wow this sense of satisfaction and peace is something I haven't felt in such a long time.

Thank you thank you thank you my beautiful beautiful friends I love you all so very much.