Frightening.

First of all, I would like to point out that I really am not like those people who are multitalented and stilll complain about themselves. I mean, seriously, I dislike those overachieving types who win every award in the book and still want more.

But even on a teeny, tiny, personal, making-myself-content level, I realise that I really haven't achieved much.

Okay, I dance. A little. And not very well.

And I suppose I sing. Along with the iPod, or when I'm bored, or during class once a week.

And I can play the violin -again, not properly, but I do have a good ear for music.

Also I know some Hindi- written, my conversational sucks - and enough Chinese to say "I speak only a little Chinese" or "you are an idiot".

But in the big picture, I haven't done anything that could go on a college application, or even impress people during ordinary conversation. I don't go for any of those personality building workshops or whatver; I doodle in class but my pictures are what most would use as toilet paper; and in my new school, though I do moderately well, the entire class does better.

And for some reason, this really bugs me. I realise I've always been the competitive type; I can't play a game of Scrabble/Boggle/ANYTHING without feeling this urge to win! Part of my competitiveness , I also know, arises from my laziness. I am what you would call a passive competitor. I want the results, as long as I don't have to work too hard for them. I'd like to sing like Beyonce in Halo and figure-skate like that girl in Ice Princess, but I don't want to go through what they have to go through.

I am one of those people who's just a little good at everything they do - I play a decent game of basketball, sing in tune, pick up dance steps fairly quickly, speak nicely but not brilliantly. On top of everything, all this comes easily to me, and I guess that's what makes me so lazy. And it sounds awful, but I hate it - I want to excel at something, not just be good enough!

I don't want to be better than other people, it just makes me feel stupid and ungrateful when I realise how many opportunities I'm wasting, and how much more I could be doing with my life. It's always "tomorrow's another day", and as a result nothing ever gets done today.

People look at me and hate me a tiny bit because of how I'm so good at everything I do, but I know that the only thing I'm really good at is procrastinating.

And that scares me.