A long time ago, a friend told me that I was cynical about friendships and people around me. She said that I purposely end up complicating things and that if I equated people and friendships simplistically then life wouldn't be so melodramatic nor filled with tension. She suspected that I enjoyed the drama and extensive psychoanalysis and that I was merely creating the tornado that wasn't there.
I vehemently argued against this then, and I stand by my vehement refusal of this analysis even now.
Unfortunately, if you insist on viewing relationships simplistically then a simplistic relationship is what you will get. It's that straight forward. If you want something deeper, something that will last, something that is more than a mere surface then you will have to delve deeper and truly understand the person - flaws and gifts, wants and desires, personality, love, loss and all. Ugly things will come up but so do beautiful things. What varies from person to person is the extent of these things and the extent to which YOU are willing to tolerate/accept these aspects.
Look at this girl for example. Circumstantial friend but I like her nonetheless. We are close though and not personal. What started off as a mere extension of a very ordinary friendship has become a rather ugly affair. I do not hate her but I don't like the way it has morphed into a one-sided affair with more take than give. The lack of emotional investment in this case (erected by the barriers SHE puts up) helped prevent a lot of the messy things that usually come after such a turn in affairs. Even then, it does sting a little.
I used to pity you, my love, for being the person they took for granted as they ran around loudly getting their lives together while you soldiered on in diplomatic silence. But you, my insidious friend, seem to be making me the very person that you are around them.
And I will not be used.
Not anymore.
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